


You and Me and the Devil Makes Three

by not_whelmed_yet



Series: Doubly Blessed and Doubly Cursed [3]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Confessions, Dialogue Heavy, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Relationship Negotiation, Transporter Malfunction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 06:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11285577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_whelmed_yet/pseuds/not_whelmed_yet
Summary: This is a story that takes place in the same continuity as Seeing Double. However all youneedto know is that both Chromedomes survived and that Rewind was kidnapped by the DJD but has now been rescued. Now Rewind and Chromedome 1.0 need to have an honest talk about Rewind 1.0's death.If you're reading SD, this is set after/during chapter 4.





	You and Me and the Devil Makes Three

Their knees were close enough to touch. Rewind sat on the edge of the berth, hands wrapped around his body, feet dangling above the floor. This person, who both was and was not his conjunx, sat in the chair he'd pulled to face the bed. Curled in on himself with his chin tucked so he wouldn't have to look Rewind in the eye. Neither of them had been ready to have this conversation, but it was too late to go back now.

"I understand the facts, as you've presented them," Rewind said. "It's the whys that I'm getting stuck on. Why did you go along it?"

Chromedome laughed, a bitter little sound. "That's the question I've been asking myself ever since you...since he died. Not long before, y-he nearly died in an explosion. Some little side trip Rodimus thought up and, you being you, had to go along. Tailgate was trying to diffuse a bomb, but accidentally triggered it."

"Why was Tailgate diffusing a bomb?" Rewind asked.

"It's a long story," Chromedome said, and he could hear him smiling briefly under his faceplate. "You'd have to ask him. But when Whirl and Cyclonus tried to get you two to safety the door auto-locked and trapped you and Cyclonus next to the blast zone. You were fading. And First Aid, he's come up with a way to revive shrinking sparks by jumpstarting them off a compatible donor. I don't really understand. But we're both vitreous positive and you were _dying_ so I volunteered. And it didn't work. Apparently I have so little spark that I really could give you _nothing_. First Aid sent me away and there was nothing I could do to help you."

Rewind cringed at the way Chromedome had shifted, once again, into speaking of the other Rewind as _him_ , but didn't interrupt. It had been hard enough coaxing him into talking in the first place.

"And that was when Brainstorm first tried to talk me into it. When I was sitting alone in our habsuite, feeling helpless and unable to save you. And I didn't say anything to him then. It turns out Whirl is also vitreous positive, would you believe it? And he volunteered to save you. And you were okay but it was only because of the kindness of _Whirl_. I just felt so...I don't know. Useless? That I went along with what Brainstorm was offering. And Drift was in on it, and the Captain, and they were all so confident that it was under control. That I was capable, that I could help. And nobody had ever turned shadowplay on me like that, I didn't even think it was possible. So I didn't think to be scared. I just don't know. I wish I could take it back, but I can't ever undo that mistake."

"You want absolution, and you want it from me," Rewind said. "But that mistake you made killed seven crewmembers and nearly killed Ultra Magnus. Drift took all the responsibility and he's been banished from the ship. Rodimus shifted the blame and then owned up. But you and Brainstorm have never told anyone what you did. You made a mistake, yes, you know that. But the other mourners were never even given the decency of knowing _why_ their friends died."

"You want me to confess to the crew?"

"I don't want you to do what I tell you to do. I want you to listen and understand and then decide what the right thing to do is for _yourself_."

Everything he said was on thin ice. Everything. If he pushed too hard, he'd snap him. If he didn't push, this stubborn, obstinate, thick-helmed gearstick would _never_ understand. But his duplicate, the other Rewind, he'd forgiven him. And he didn't want to betray the other Rewind's last wishes by letting this Chromedome stay mired in the past.

But how would he have felt to be replaced? Rewind tried to imagine himself, gone, forgotten. And then replaced, not by some other mech, but by some alternate version of himself. It was a variation on a theme, one of his closest held fears. _Someday, he will live without you and_ they _will make him happier than you ever could._ He didn't know how he would feel and, more importantly, he _couldn't_ know how the other Rewind would have felt. They weren't the same person.

Rewind sighed, and tried to figure out how to put all of that into words. "He forgave you, even if he didn't have all the facts. I'm not him. I can't be him for you. So I can't step in and arbitrate absolution in his stead. We're different people."

"I know you keep saying that. But we've spent three million stellar cycles together. The time since the ship took off is the tiniest fraction of the tiniest fraction of divergence in our shared histories."

"That's true. And it's complicated and I understand that that's the way you feel. But think about the other Chromedome. Is he you?"

Chromedome jittered his leg and shrugged. "Sort of? But he has major brain damage. He acts differently because he doesn't remember _you_. I mean, he's friends with Cyclonus, of all people. And recent exposure to trauma has made him more reflective, I think. But yeah, he's a different person, but only because he's who I'd be if I hadn't had you."

"I disagree. I think that every point of divergence, from the moment that ship took off was shaping you into separate people. Whatever the first thing that happened that was different, that was when you were no longer the same person. The shadowplay, yeah, that's a big reason he acts differently than you. But it's not why he's a different person."

"I can't stop my spark from thinking you're him," Chromedome whispered. "Every time I see you, it's like time stops again and I feel-so, so much. I know that you keep telling me you're different. And I think, in time, I could learn to use the right pronouns. But I don't think I can stop this feeling, even if you reject me outright."

"I don't want you to forget him," Rewind said. "I don't want to be the one who replaces your Rewind, just like all the others got replaced."

Chromedome froze. "The others?"

Oh slag, he hadn't meant to say it. He'd never meant to say it.

But Chromedome just looked up at him in horror and Rewind realized someone must have told him already. "You knew?" He asked. "You knew? How long did you know?"

Chromedome hadn't been the only one keeping secrets. "From the beginning, almost," Rewind admitted. "Prowl told me way back, when he was trying to scare me away from you. I didn't want you to ever know. You already carried so much guilt."

"So you just sat around and imagined me erasing you? He knew too? The other Rewind? My Rewind?" His vocalizer spluttered. "Do you think, did he make that video to try and stop me from-"

"I can't know that," Rewind interrupted. "But I might have. He might not have. I was always so scared you would do it, it wasn't until I was begging _my_ Chromedome to erase me that he could live that I realized I didn't need you to know me. Not as much as I needed you to live and be happy."

Chromedome reached out a hand. "I'm sorry that happened to you. All of it. You've been carrying so much weight for so long. I'm sorry I'm part of what's hurting you."

Rewind laughed wetly, optics heated to overflowing as he took his hand. "I've been carrying your weight for a long time. I don't need you to be sorry and I don't need you to apologize. I just need you to try and respect my boundaries."

"Anything, for you," Chromedome said.

"Well, boundary number one, don't assume we're already conjunxes. We're not. You're _his_ conjunx and _his_ lamentarum. We're different people."

"I'll try."

"And number two, don't rush me. We'll take this one day at a time."

Chromedome vented in a whistling sound, squeezing Rewind's hand. "One day at a time. I can do that."

"And three, I need you to be there for the other Chromedome. He's my conjunx and he's suffering right now. If you feel you owe a bond to me, consider that I owe a bond to him. Right now he blames himself for doing what I begged and pleaded for him to do. He's lost and alone and afraid and he needs more than me to make that right. I know it'll be hard for you, if you can't see yourselves as different people. But loving me, if that's what you chose to do, is going to involve learning to love him too."

Chromedome's optics began to leak and he leaned over to rest his helm on top of their clenched hands. "I don't know. I'll try. If you want me to, I'll try."

 _And that would have to be enough._ Maybe Chromedome could never love himself the way he loved Rewind. Maybe he could never love Rewind's Chromedome, not the way he could. But they were just going to have to try. _And maybe_ _it would be enough._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm over on tumblr at [ notwhelmedyet](http://notwhelmedyet.tumblr.com/), having mtmte feelings and very slowly rereading. I am overjoyed by any comments up to and including incoherent keyboard smashing, y'all. If you have critical comments/corrections, send 'em my way, I want this story to be the best it can be.


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